Non-Sequiters Vol. 1 : CHATEAU DE MINUIT

* CALM LIKE A BOMB * DRUNK CACTUS * PRICKLY PEAR * THE FRENCH RULE * B-SIDE FRENCH SUCKS!!! * KIDDZ BE FRIENDLY * JAZZ MAMMOTH * CALM LIKE A FUNKIN’ BOMB * YUM YUM BOMB * CHATEAU DE MINUIT * OX CAR * LOBSTAR DIFFICULTY * BIGG WIG SHRIMP * ASS KICKIN’ MUSIC * EFF OFF! * DON’T KILL THIS GUY * CALM LIKE A BON BON * FUNK NUGGET * ANTHRAX HERO * AUDIOPHILE * AUDIO PILOT * CAN CAN CANDYZ * AUDIO PIRATE * KILLA SHRIMP * HAPPILLS * DO NOT LICK * AUDIO FEED * HEADPHONEZ JUNKIE * CARBUNCLE BLUE * AFRO SOUL * BON KILA * KILLA CIGGY * PATHOLOGICAL FALLACY OF THE MIND * BRAIN SUCKIN’ MUNKEYS * SPARKLING SOUR STARZ * FORTY OZ OF LUV * FAILED CONCEPTION * NOW THE EGGS ARE IN THE SCRAMBLE * HELL FONE RING TONE * AFFRO LUVIN’ * ARMS SO TANGIBLE WITH AN OX * LOCKE BOX * ROANOKE MILLZ * RETRO STILLZ * SCARF BOXER * MUCK NEEDLE * W/ LETTUCE * OPEN FONE * PINKY OUT * BIOFUEL HEAD * TERMINAL PIKE * PLEASURE BOXXX * BROOM SHROOM * CEREAL TUBEZ * OF PEACHES AND PITTZ * ANT PIT * POISON SUNFLOWER * TOURNESOL DE POISON * STOPPING TO REFILL KINGZ OF REBELZ * DON’T BE RUDE, PINKY OUT!!! * JESUS CHRIST IS IN HEAVEN * FEED YOUR HEAD BUT DON’T EAT BRAINS * DONUT VS DOUGHNUT * CACTUS BOMB * ALE AN’ WHORES!!! * AVIATION AERONAUTICS * HELLO MR FREEMAN * CASPIAN BUFFALO * CANDLE JACK * BON BON SLAUGHTER * GOOO~~~~D AFFFTERNOON MIIIISTER FREEMAN * HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BONNE * ILLEGALLY ONION * MORE CAPS!!! *

Hate Cookies™

Take a cookie please,
Take one Take two Take three,
Lord Knows I’ve baked enough.
They Good?
I Know they’re good, I baked them,
Warm and Gooey,
Soft and Chewy,
The peanut butter, the chips of chocolate, the pecans and the oats,
All wonderfully delicious.
Love?
Oh no, I didn’t make them with love.
Wait, I guess you must be confused,
See... these are Hate Cookies™.
I spit in the batter,
Sneezed on the sheet, and
Coughed into the basket,
These cookies are in the hopes of you dying,
Eat up!

On Drug Testing in the workplace

I’ve never been much a fan for drug testing. But as part of a new shitty little job I gotta test and piss in a cup. I got nothing to hide, my piss might as well be spring water for all that is known, but I still despise it. I always get people, usually named Jimmy, telling me “Well, if you’ve got nothing to hide, why are you so afraid of a Drug Test?”. Well Jimmy, I’ll tell you, but first let me present you with a little scenario.
You’re at the airport, just another guy waiting through the security. So you go through the metal detector and it goes off, so they direct you to a little room while they rummage through your things. And hour goes by and, of course, they find nothing but they still suspect you of carrying something. A big hairy guy comes in and says “I’m sure this will sound strange, but I assure you that this is all routine. Now then, we’re gonna have to do a cavity search.” You know what that means, they’re gonna probe your butt-hole. Are you gonna let them give you butt hole a thorough rub down with a latex glove? You don’t have anything to hide, so what are you afraid of Jimmy?!?!
The answer of course is no, you’re not going to give a strange man permission to excavate your ass (at least I hope most of you wouldn’t). You’d go about raving about the rights of your bunghole. And how every bunghole deserves proper treatment in the line of duty. Perhaps I’m being too tangential, the point is mandatory drug tests in everyday workplaces are an infringement on your privacy... and so is unwanted bunghole inspection.